Wedding Horror Story: One Cake Going Down

November 2, 2016 by Tony Barthel

There is a venue in Southern California that I work at with some frequency. It is a beautiful and historic venue with plenty of banquet rooms available so on any given weekend, there are a lot of special events going on. This place is WeddingHorrorparticularly popular as a wedding venue and there are no shortage of weddings that recognize the beauty and history of this place.

One of the rooms in particular is somewhat unusual in its layout, having served other purposes before it became popular as a wedding venue. While it certainly serves its present purpose well, the layout is different than what many people expect so accommodations have to be made to allow it to do what it needs to do well.

Of these accommodations, the one I disagree with, is the placement of the wedding cake right in the center of the permanent dance floor. I understand that the wedding cake is a beautiful visual. I also understand that the venue’s in-house baking and decorating staff are very adept at performing their jobs and the fruit of their labor is worth showing off.

But having the cake in the middle of the dance floor forces alteration of a wedding plan that might be focused on entertainment for some. Or, at least, it should.

Knowing that the wedding cake was right smack dab in the middle of the dance floor, I warned the bride who wanted to do her first dance of the impending danger of doing so with dessert right in her way. Still, she insisted that the dance be done immediately after the entrance and asked me if I had ever seen the cake go down before, since I had done so many weddings there. The truth is, I had never seen the cake go down at any wedding anywhere.

“You see,” she snapped, “It’ll be just fine.”

At that point, I began to feel badly for the groom because I started to see what he was getting into. Looks like he wouldn’t have to wait for Halloween to see a witch every day.

Despite my dire predictions the grand entrance went beautifully and the bride and her new husband were beginning a very well rehearsed first dance. Around and around they went, dancing to the music that filled the air. But what they hadn’t rehearsed was a wedding cake right in the middle of the dance floor and what most brides don’t realize is why dresses like wedding dresses went out with Victorian times. Giant hoops and puffy skirts look nice, but they are completely impractical.

Especially when there’s a cake back there somewhere.

So as she knocked the cake and its table over all I could think about was, “Why don’t more people listen to me. I do this for a living!”

Down went the beautiful dessert in a splash of cake, icing and noise all over the floor and suddenly the celebration of the first dance together for a newly married couple became nothing more than a big food fight between a table and a bride’s big skirt.

What’s worse is that the Cinderella bride and groom that had been perched at the top of this feast for the eyes bounced several times before shattering on the dance floor in a loud crash. It was sad.

As the couple realized what happened they stopped their dance and witnessed, from front-row seats, the destruction of dessert. Down it all went and you could just see the anguish in this young woman’s eyes. She watched in horror as the few seconds that transpired unfolded in great detail inside her head and when it was all over she looked at her husband, tears in her eyes, and looked at the cake, and then looked at me.

That was the last I saw of her as she ran from the room, crying her pretty eyes out, and no summoning, begging, or convincing by any guest or relative could bring her back. The party ended. While most of the guests stayed for the meal, they cleared the room as soon as it was over and those that were still there when the groom returned without his wife offered condolences on the lost dessert and more than a few probably shared my thoughts that he was going to have to live with his choice of partner.

Fast forward a few months and I found myself, oddly enough, in the same situation. There was the cake in the middle of the dance floor and there I was telling yet another bride what had just happened months before. I wish I had had my camera at the first event because it would have made one heck of a picture. A wedding cake creates a huge mess when it explodes onto a parquet floor.

Despite my warnings the couple assured me that they would be fine and wanted to proceed with the first dance immediately after the grand entrance. I felt like the fat kid in the horror movie because I could almost predict, with great certainty, what was about to transpire.

As if I had a crystal ball, I saw dessert taking a header for the floor once again as the bride and the dress she would only wear once caused a symphony with gravity to result in disaster for dessert.

Tony Barthel Tony Barthel (67 Posts)

Anthony (Tony) Barthel has been a DJ since 1986 with a unique take on marketing that has resulted in over 1,000 events personally performed. In that time Tony’s weird sense of humor and unique perspective on the world got him started collecting these stories and sharing them with friends and other wedding professionals. Born in Baden, Switzerland Tony celebrates the unusual and outlandish as part of his lifestyle. He was married to Peggy Sue in 2005 in what his friends describe as the most unusual wedding ceremony and reception they’ve ever been to. The ceremony was in a 1928 movie theater complete with giant Wurlitzer Theater Pipe Organ and the reception lasted for two days including a gathering in an ocean side lagoon with 400 of their closest friends.

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