A s a very young Mobile DJ, I remember saying these phrases very often, “That guest is making me mad!” or “The bride is making me mad!” Later in my career, as my own personal development changed and evolved, I began to realize that I was complaining in a way that was holding me back. So, I did the only thing that I could: I made a change. I turned all the negatives into useful tools to make the events and people at the events better. However, for the longest time I couldn’t figure out what exactly I had changed. It wasn’t until later in my business career, when I was speaking and working with top companies all over the world, that I finally realized how to articulate the change that I made when I was a young DJ. That change was the feeling of taking ownership over my behavior, emotions, and actions in a positive way. This seemingly slight change impacted my life and my career by making my work more fun and stress free. I wanted others to understand that being angry and then blaming others was a pointless endeavor.
As an example, let’s take the phrase: “You are making me mad.”
When we break down this phrase, it reveals our true thinking. Let’s start with the word “You.” By saying “You,” a person is saying that they have no responsibility in this situation whatsoever. In fact it is the “You” that has all the control. This is a scenario where you allow others to have power over you, without even realizing it. How does it feel to be at the whim of others? By blaming the anger, frustration, or fear you are blaming everything on someone or something else, thus creating a personal lack of ownership and responsibility of your actions. Don’t feel bad at this stage of the discussion, because most people habitually blame others when feeling angry or upset. I think that this is our way of deflecting the fact that in certain situations we are the ones that lack skill or ability to execute or to make the situation better.
Next, take the word “make.” By saying that another person or thing is creating this outcome, is saying that they are intentionally planting anger and horrible thoughts in your mind. In essence, they are bending your thoughts to create anger. To be clear, if someone states the phrase, “You are MAKING me…” they are literally saying that someone else is forcing them to think a certain way. That is insanity. Nobody can make you do anything inside your head; the only person with that power is you. Once again, you are transfer- ring the power to control you to the other person or object.
Finally, take the words “me mad.” Say those words together out loud. Do it about five times.
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Filed Under: 2016, Personal Development
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