There are weddings where I look back and wonder how something or another ever happened. But none is more curious to me than this one, which happened within a year of my starting out in this profession.
I was at a Knights of Columbus hall in Redondo Beach and we had just finished the grand entrance, toast and were now in the process of enjoying a fine meal of some sort of chicken, I presume. Dinner music filled the air as guests caught up on the goings on of one another’s lives since last they were able to brag about their accomplishments or sugar coat the stupid things they had been arrested for.
Naturally, there was an open bar and several representatives from the head table had already transported several arms full of alcoholic refreshments back to their seats. While there was no hard stuff at the bar itself, I noticed the appearance of at least one flask among the wedding party as the groom had given his boys flasks as a wedding attendant gift and had been sure to fill those with some sort of hooch. Since at least one of them was under age, I knew that this would be the only way they could get booze in, a simple fact that they themselves had relayed to me while I was outside collecting them for the grand entrance just moments before.
Inexperienced drinkers rarely realize just how quickly alcohol affects one’s judgment. I don’t know if this was a factor or what caused the scene, but it became apparent that there was some sort of ruckus brewing at the head table. Very quickly a bit of angry conversation led to some yelling and all of the men at the table getting up and leaving the room in a big hurry, along with the maid of honor.
A car was heard start in the parking lot followed almost immediately by screeching tires as it became obvious that the groom, his attendant and the maid of honor had left the scene.
Of course the bride was in hysterics and her dad rushed over to see what the heck had caused this sudden escape sequence. It didn’t take him long to find the problem and he began to yell, “I’m going to kill that mother f***er, I’m going to kill that mother f***er!”
I didn’t really want to interrupt this rant of death and profanity but the meal was cut short and the guests were all asked to leave without a bite of wedding cake or one shaken booty on the dance floor.
As I was packing up curiosity was killing me so finally I approached the father to see what had happened.
Apparently, during the dinner conversation somehow it was mentioned that the groom and the maid of honor had been practicing for the wedding night without the bride. Now I’ve heard of this happening before and there are certainly more than a few urban legends about brides or grooms relaying such an act to their guests but this was quite different.
The thing that has puzzled me for the last 20 or so years about this event was simply how such an unpleasant topic comes up at the dinner table. “Honey, the bed in the bridal suite we rented is a bit squeaky if we really go crazy.” Hmmm. One wonders.
Filed Under: Weddings
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