A Dozen Networking Blunders and How To Avoid Them by Ken Day

Pitfalls to avoid and positive steps for successful connection-buildingHave you ever wondered why all of those networking groups you’ve become a part of have not delivered any positive results for you or your business? Because we’re Americans, I offer a Top 12 List (an even dozen) of the biggest sales and networking mistakes for your consideration.

Take it from an old silverback who’s had more than his fair share of networking misadventures. I’m going to share my experience, because the more you learn from everyone else’s mistakes, potentially, the fewer you have to make yourself. So here we go…

Top 12 Networking/Soft-Sales Mistakes

12. Missing the Decision Maker
Don’t assume that the boss or anyone’s credentials make them the decision-making powerhouse. The key to a sale is being aware of who’s got the hammer. Inevitably, you are the nail, and knowing who is going to be hitting you (figuratively of course) will enable you to prepare for the type, style, and demeanor of questions and conversation that will be swinging your way. There is no organizational chart for most of the companies or individuals we encounter that can tell you who the “real” decision maker is. The people who are left after all the corporate reorganizations are exercising greater power than ever before and the engaged couples we speak with are don’t always have the final answer. The most important decision maker often can be found behind the most inconsequential or incongruent title or role definition.

11. Being Seen…as Insincere
Don’t ever confuse visibility with credibility. Don’t join any organization, particularly a trade organization, just for the sake of being one of the fray, or solely to advance your own personal and professional interests. Your motives will be painfully obvious, thus causing more damage to your reputation and your company’s image than you might ever be able to recover from. A genuine interest in the others in the organization and a sincere willingness to assist in the advancement of the organization and its goals will undoubtedly add to an already full plate. Believe me: it will come back to you in time.

10. Stealing the Conversational Spotlight
Don’t be a stereotypical American. There’s a global perspective of Americans being identified as people who constantly expect and take a little bit more than they’re entitled to. Believe it or not, the universe does not revolve around you. Make sure your attitude doesn’t come across as such. Be open and giving in all conversations you enter into. It will be noticed and remembered. Ensure that you are asking more questions than you are answering and make sure the questions are valid. Most of all, listen to the answers-I mean really listen.

9. Interpersonal Record-Keeping
Don’t keep a running tally in your mind of what you have asked for and what you’ve delivered, and don’t take more than you’re entitled to. In most cases you should give and give again. Eventually, (once you are accepted and recognized as part of the group) you will have several others giving and giving again to you and they will also be doing the giving without keeping a tally.

8. Answering for Others
Don’t say no for any other person before they have the opportunity to say it themselves. Don’t presume that someone within reach of your network would automatically say no. More often than not, you will not have a clear picture of someone else’s goals or how they intend to achieve them.

7. Lone Ranger Mentality
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you really need it. It’s human nature to want to assist others who clearly need help. People are especially generous with their time, money, and assets when they are familiar with the person in need. The needs can be great or small but without asking or at least making others aware of your plight you will never know if someone could have been of assistance. I suppose if I were asked whether it’s better to err on the side of caution and not risk embarrassment, I’d say, if the stakes are high, I’d risk the “begging factor” and go for it. The worst they can say is still no, but at least you didn’t say it for them.
By the way, this type of situation is only acceptable once you are somewhat established within an organization, due to a variety of other factors. I address these in my soon-to-be-released book It’s Hard to Resist a Soft Sell.

6. Passive Rudeness (Not “Making an Effort”)
Don’t neglect to “dance” with the one who brought you or the one who invited you. When someone in your network comes through for you or at least has brought you into a new group of people, professionals, cohorts, etc., don’t be a stiff. Remember, these people didn’t have to invite you in or extend themselves, their services, or their friendship to you.
And here’s an exceptional tip for you: Be sure to thank the person at the top, the host/hostess-those who have the hammer. Believe it or not, people rarely do this. The thinking is that he, she, or they hear all day long what a super job their company is doing and what a great job they are doing to ensure that success. On the contrary-say thanks and you’ll be remembered.

5. Assuming Too Much
Don’t mistake the company’s or the client’s network for your instantly expanded network. If you’re going to keep your clients, develop new ones, or secure your position within group, your network has to be as good as or better than theirs. You need:

Support and sponsorship within your area of expertise and other areas outside of your area of expertise, so that you’re able to provide information about another company’s services if yours is not the ideal company for the client or if the client requires additional services that you don’t provide;
Lines of communication that tell you what’s happening in other parts of your industry;
A backup strategy in case you are not the client’s initial choice, i.e., an industry network outside of your company including associations and professional groups. Don’t think that anyone else is going to provide you with this information.

4. Sluggish Responses
Don’t be slow to answer any communication with you or your company. There’s a call on your voicemail. You know that it’s a request for help, and that it will take some time and trouble on your part. Don’t ignore it, even if you never expect to have your effort repaid. Maybe no good deed goes unpunished, but no bad one goes unreported. Some of the major reasons network contacts, industry associates, and potential clients don’t hire or work with many companies is their inability to respond to communications in a timely manner. Now, the perception of a “timely manner” really varies from person to person. Just remember; sooner is better.

3. Falling Behind the Times
Don’t become the old and out-of-touch person or company. It probably isn’t just your network of people and clients that’s aging; it’s you. Unless you make a genuine effort to keep updating your technical skills, knowledge, equipment, music, comprehension of current industry trends, and the desires of your target market, your network will shrink and so will your business. Information, trends and styles are changing at a record pace. If you don’t make the effort to remain appraised of the market and stay in tune with your target market, you will be as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

2. Losing the Human Touch
Don’t underestimate the value of the personal touches. Small businesses that survive and prosper know how to network with their customers and prospects by emphasizing a level of personal service and attention that big businesses can’t. If you know who your customers are, then you’ll also know when some of them stop coming by. You can utilize a matrix (described in detail in my new book) that will assist you in determining exactly who your target market is, for better utilization of soft-selling techniques. It’s worth some expense to keep an old customer because it costs so much more to get a new one. Old customers are more likely to make positive referrals and influence the potential client prior to you even knowing of their existence.

1. Missing Opportunities to Improve (or, Wasting Information)
Don’t hesitate to ask questions. If you don’t know, ask. Even if you do know, ask. The only stupid question is the one that is never asked. Many small business people are afraid to ask questions. The big guys are constantly trying to stay abreast of customer concerns with focus groups and sophisticated monitoring techniques. Draft a questionnaire and put it where customers can pick it up or ensure they receive one or two after you have provided them with your services, or even after they have chosen another company’s services. Other service providers within your industry are also great sources of information. You are their customer in one way or another, so they have a vested interest in your success. You’d be surprised at the wealth of information they have, if you just ask for it.

I’ll bet there’s at least one area mentioned here where you can make some adjustments to positively impact your networking and selling. So, don’t let this opportunity pass you by-start making a change…today!

Get With The Program: Perspectives on Reception Scheduling by Mike Ryan

The who, what, why and when of reception timing-guaranteed to surprise youI recently had an incident with a venue staff over whose reception schedule took priority, his or mine. The “captain” said he had a signed contract, I told him I did too. I asked him who made their schedule, he answered the banquet manager! And where was the banquet manager? The captain responded: “Oh, the banquet manager never goes to the weddings.”

I wondered: who really has the ultimate responsibility for making a wedding reception schedule? It was off to a book store to do some research. I found lots of books on weddings, including ones with funny titles like: Chicken Soup for the Bride’s Soul, The Anti-Bride wedding planner and of course Wedding Planning for Dummies, but not one of them had any substantive information about reception scheduling.

Survey Says…
After interviewing dozens of mobile DJs, wedding planners, caterers and venue managers, it became obvious to me that all of us are not on the same page! In general, DJs were in agreement on scheduling, while the rest of the wedding professionals had a variety of views. For instance:

Responsible Parties. Who should be responsible for setting the schedule? DJs were evenly split between the wedding planner (if there is one) and the DJ. Not surprisingly, non-DJ vendors overwhelmingly choose the wedding planner. The banquet manager rated a distant third.
Spaced Out. On the question of whether or not to space out the activities during the reception, a majority of DJs preferred to space the activities throughout the event. Reasons given include: “It provides entertainment throughout the evening; it gives the guests something to look forward too; it offers emotional peaks and valleys; each activity has entertainment value and keeps guests longer.” On the other hand, and this is a major disagreement, most vendors preferred doing activities one right after another. Reasons given: “It is most efficient; spacing activities out seems to drag on…guests get bored.” And several said, “Get on with the dancing!”
First Things First. When to do the First Dance? Nearly everyone was in agreement: right after the Grand Entrance. Reasons given: “Start things off with a bang; you have everyone’s complete attention; it’s the WOW factor!”
Parental Guidance. When asked what the best time was to do the Parent’s Dance, most DJs said right after the First Dance. Other wedding vendors were split between after the first dance and after dinner.
Don’t Burn the Toast. No matter how you slice it, everyone was in agreement: limit the Toast. Answers given: “Alcohol and microphones don’t mix; avoid inappropriate or rambling toasts; with an open mic, things can and very often do get ugly; don’t give guests an opportunity to ruin the reception; once guests start drinking, it’s hard to regain control.”
Toasty Timing. When’s the best time to do the Toast? DJs were evenly split between doing it before or after the meal. Answers given: “Before dinner to avoid wait staff bussing tables; after dinner to let the guests settle down; when the meal has started, guests can eat during the Toasts.” Vendor’s answers were spread all over without any general agreement: “During the Grand Entrance; during dinner; after First Dance; after the salads are served; just before or after the Cake is cut.”
Toss Up. Almost everyone sided with tradition, doing the Garter Removal and Toss before the Bouquet Toss. However, several vendors said they do the Garter first with the Bouquet Toss at the end of the event as the couple leave. Even Martha Stewart agrees: “The Bouquet Toss should take place thirty minutes before the end of the reception” (from Martha Stewart’s Keepsake Wedding Planner).
Cut to the Chase. When to cut the cake? Keeping in mind there is a general consensus that many guests tend to leave right after the Cake Cutting, most DJs said to do it as late as possible. Vendors were more focused on exact timing, cutting the cake from 45 minutes to an hour and a half after the meal.
Post-Cake Escape. What that about guests leaving after the cake is cut? All DJs said “yes,” this happens, with percentages ranging from 10 to 40 percent. Three vendors said they never experience this, while the rest acknowledged the problem, with percentages ranging from 25 to 50 percent of guests leaving! A good summary comment: “The people who leave after the cake are the guests that attended out of obligation, not necessarily desire, and the cake is usually the last traditional formality.”
Dancing for Money. The Money Dance, or the Honeymoon Dance, as it is sometimes called, is probably the most controversial reception activity of all. What percentage of clients ask for it, and when is the best time to do it? The percentages ran the spectrum from 5 to 90 percent! And everyone agreed that it’s cultural thing, especially common in the Latin and Asian populations. The answers as to when to include the dance were just as varied: “Before the cake; after the cake; after the Bouquet and Garter; after the Parent’s Dance.” Anthony Milkey, certified Wedding Event Planner at the Famous La Costa Golf Course and Resort in southern California related an interesting take on the Money Dance: “…from the four corners of the dance floor guests threw bundles of brand new $100 dollar bills, showering [them] down on the bride and groom as they danced!” Talk about confetti!
Marital Calculations. Regarding the Anniversary Dance, which I call the Longest Married Couple Elimination Dance most of the vendors had no comment, while DJs familiar with activity offered some neat tips: “We do the dance after the cake as a way to get people back on to the dance floor; we give the longest married couple a cool gift and I don’t eliminate; I have them join the others on the dance floor for continued dancing.” And as to the best time to schedule the Anniversary Dance? Answers varied: “After the toasts; before the cake; after the cake and after the bouquet.”
For Your Viewing Pleasure. Video presentations are popular; everyone said they run them during the meal.

Trading Spaces
In the final analysis, it appears the biggest difference between the DJ and other wedding vendors is whether or not to do all of the activities one right after another, with DJs preferring to space them out while other vendors prefer them in close sequence. As to who has the ultimate responsibility for making the schedule, there is general agreement that if there is a wedding planner, that person should take the lead; otherwise it should be the responsibility of the DJ. Everyone prefers to limit the toasts. With the Bouquet and Garter it is worth repeating that several non-DJ vendors prefer delaying the Bouquet Toss until the very end of the reception as a signal the party is over. Not surprisingly, almost everyone was in agreement that some guests tend to leave after the cake is cut. Opinions on the Honeymoon Dance ran the full spectrum from some vendors never doing it, to others almost always including it.

The last question I asked was for any additional advice on scheduling. Answers included: “Really listen to your couple-they will make your job easier; after consulting with the bride and groom, check with other wedding vendors to make sure everyone is on the same page; always provide copies of the schedule for the other vendors involved; don’t over-program the event; everyone should have a list of contact numbers and names; I really appreciate it when a good DJ and Photographer run the show.” And my favorite piece of advice: “Just because it’s a tradition doesn’t mean it always works.”

One final thought, as one who has helped numerous brides and grooms plan their reception schedule. I agree with James Baker, former U.S. Secretary of State, who said, “Never let the other guy set the agenda.”